After watching The Real Dirt on Farmer John, I thought I’d write down some of the more ridiculous biodynamic practices I’ve come across:
-Putting a tablespoon of powdered quartz into a cow’s horn, burying it for a season, diluting it about 20000:1 w/ water, and then spraying that over crops. Some refer to this as “fermenting” the quartz. Time to get drunk off the quartz! Some say that the quartz has piezoelectric properties which help the soil (and ignore the fact that sand is mostly quartz).
-Stuff yarrow blossoms into a red deer’s bladder, let it overwinter in the soil, and add a teaspoon to compost.
-Stuff chamomile into cattle small intestines, let overwinter, and add to compost
-Chopped oak bark is placed in the skull of a domesticated animal, surrounded by peat, and placed in a spot with high water flow.
-Dandelion flowers are put into a cattle peritoneum and overwintered and added to compost.
-Field mice can be controlled by spreading ashes from burnt field mice skins when Venus is in Scorpio.
-Weeds can be controlled by burning weed seeds, and mixing the ash with urine from a sterile cow (which has been exposed to the full moon for 6 hours).
- I’m just going to quote this next one directly (http://www.ibiblio.org/london/orgfarm/biodynamics/HughLovel-on-field-broadcasting):
Etheric field broadcasting grew out of the work of T. Galen Hieronymus who discovered that life forces, which are dynamic organizational patterns of energy, can be broadcast over large acreages with stationary, self-driven induction equipment. He called his invention a Cosmic Pipe.
(I really wish I were creative enough to make this shit up. Especially since a “field broadcaster” consists of PVC pipe, some diodes, and copper wire coils, and sells for $1000.)
Luckily, the core of biodynamic farming stresses the importance of taking care of the soil through composting and manuring, so biodynamic farming can basically be characterized as standard organic practices plus stuffing things into dead animal innards (so THAT’S how those pesky Satanism rumors got started…). It puts emphasis in the right place: close observation and keeping the land healthy; but in my opinion wastes effort (and money: http://www.biodynamics.net.au/farm_member_products.htm) on what basically amounts to superstition and ritual. It’s sort of a cross between a pyramid scheme and a cult: it’s really easy and cheap to produce most of the additives and gizmos, so if you act like you believe in it and encourage others to use it, you can potentially sell 100 grams of rotted horn and sand for $150.
